Waiting for God

Finding the right words is so hard when there's and impending death. When our own actions or inactions may be the cause of our death. This is the price we pay to give into our own vices knowing quite well they may or may not be our demise in due time? Knowing that our own selfishness isn't something to be taken lightly. It's for this reason we abandon family, friends, reason, wise counsel, and even our own humanity each time we give in. One can't wrap their mind around such selfishness. A selfishness that breaks the bonds of marriage, family and friendships. To what end? Ultimately death, but to those around, those family, those friends, that marriage...inevitabley the slow watching of a life wasting away. If it were disease, I could feel sorrow. If it were an accident I could feel sympathy and compassion. If it were sudden death, I could feel regret and loss. When its defiant selfishness that takes this life, I dont know what or how to feel.

There are no words, spoken or thought, that will help. Everything has been said that needs to be said. All the hard conversations have been had, so there will be no regrets. There is only the hope that selfishness will succumb to reason and lead to selflessness. That the prayers prayed will intercede, take root and begin to change a heart that has been on a path far too long for any mortal intervention.

Now we are just left with waiting. Roles have changed, a father is no longer a father, a son is no longer a son, a wife no longer a wife or mother, but all have stepped onto a level playing field as friends, waiting, loving, encouraging.