RE:store. A 3 a.m. look at my heart.

When I was younger I would pray that God would make me like his son Jesus. An innocent, pious prayer. What was I thinking? Though the life of Christ was filled with joy and laughter it was also a life of pain, rejection, loneliness, and in the end death. Now that I am older I still pray that God would make me more like his Son. However, now my perspective is a bit different when I say that prayer. Where I wanted to be a patient person and have Christ like virtues before, now when I pray that prayer I know there is a hope revealed, a sacrifice made.

Christ sacrificed his life for us. He spilled his blood to restore us to His father. In my heart there are things that have to be sacrificed daily to him. Pride, selfishness, hatred, impatience, obsessions, all of these things have been paid for by His blood. To sacrifice these things for hope, joy, patience, selflessness, doesn't mean that I lay the others down. It doesn't mean that I swallow my pride or stuff my hatred down inside me. It means that I unfurl my arms and allow Christ to rip those things out of my heart / soul. To let go of hatred, revenge, fear, anger, one has to sacrifice something. The sacrifice of pain. It's painful to be restored to your creator. It's a hard process. But in the end a process that bathes your scar in the sweetest ointment known to the hearts of man, forgiveness, love, acceptance and restoration.

Sometimes being restored to Christ is like pulling the band-aide off quickly, sure it still hurts and sometimes its pulled off slowly, really hurting. Other times it's like the unwrapping of gauze after a major surgery, slowly and a little painful but anxious about the outcome.

I have never loved Jesus more than I do now. I haven't told a lot of people this because I don't want to seem all pious but I only make one New Years Resolution each year. To know Christ better than I did the year before. I cant imagine loving Him more and its already February. This year has already laid before me things that make me fall face down in His presence. My fathers health, friends losing their child, and the countless other things I wont mention because its 3:50 a.m. now. And I do need some sleep.

So. What are you allowing Christ to rip out of your soul? What are you allowing him to replace it with? Or are you trying to replace it yourself? Self medicating the hole in your heart never works. I always either pick up the plug that was just removed or try to fit something else in that hole that doesn't fit. He fits in that hole. But you have to be willing to hurt for a while, sacrifice some comfort.

Lord, may all my friends and strangers who read this, know you better this year through the crap in their lives. May they allow you to rip things out of their souls that do not belong there. And though it may hurt, may they see that hurt as love from you, poured out through healing.

Erased

I entered a contest I wanted to win
My ideas were good but I couldnt begin
I had to come up with a winning design
But I have no talent
I cant draw a line

My mom tried to help me
My dad also tried
I drew and erased untill I cried

At last I was honored to win second place
But not for what I drew
But for what I erased.